Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
