I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
