Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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