It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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