I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
