He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
