thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize