i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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