i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
