Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
