I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
