I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
