hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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