he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
