Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
