Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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