i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
