what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
