Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
