Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
