Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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