at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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