...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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