just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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