just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Enjoy the penises
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
