I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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