I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
