It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
