That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
