Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
