the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
