I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
