I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
