you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
