I am spending my child support on dildos
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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