I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
