if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cut my penus on the lid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
