it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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