Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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