Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
