You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
