i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
