Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
