You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
