having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
