went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i now understand why vodka
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
