Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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