You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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