put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
