i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
