His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
