I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
