I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
